Friday, January 1, 2010

A New Year

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How was your New Years? This is how we rang ours in. The sound was deafening for sure. At midnight the huge ones started and they continued on for 45 minutes..non stop. They got louder and louder and the biggest bangs would rattle your pictures. The boys and I sat upstairs with the bedroom blinds and window open. It's amazing to me that we are now in the year 2010! doesnt seem real sometimes.

I am not one to make all these changes to myself every year. As I look into this brand new year I do pause and think about everything. I'm still getting used to living in another country. I honestly think I will spend the rest of my life getting used to it. I have a constant nagging feeling inside of me thats telling me Im not doing what I'm supposed to. I just wish I knew what "It" was. Growing up I wanted nothing more than to spend my life taking care of wild animals. I wanted to study the Silver Back Gorillas..a part of me still does:) However I traded that in for another dream..wich was mommyhood...and honestly, raising two boys is like having two gorillas in your house. They sure eat like one! I want to do more with myself but I have no clue as to what direction to go in. I love photography and about cried when I knew I was getting a new camera. I have big plans with that this year and Im so excited.

My husband and I have suffered a crippling loss to our family in June. The more I live on this earth, the more I do not understand it and why some are taken way before their time. It's not fair and it hurts. It hurts more than I could ever express and I still don't know how to deal with that. Since moving here I've had to let go of certain ideas of how things are and should be. I may live in a dutch society but I keep an american home..and I always will. I've learned to stand up for myself in ways I didn't think I had to. I'm learning lessons that I could of lived without. I've learned that people might be friendly, but they aren't always nice. I've learned that a true friendship shouldn't be toxic and make you feel bad. You shouldnt have to follow rules to be someone's friend. I've also learned that sometimes all you need is your husband and kids.
I've learned that Im stronger than I ever thought possible. I've learned that even at 35 I still have much to learn.

I have tons of new recipes to share and pictures to post. I hope you will stick with me in 2010:) You guys mean so much to me. I wish you could feel how much. I love coming to your blogs and peaking into your world. I love it when you post personal stories,struggles,recipes and funny things that happend to you. I look forward to getting to know you all more!